Sugar Nerd Lives! (or how Catholic guilt will eventually get you)

I've had a recurring nightmare ever since my last post in June.  In it, I am in a church waiting to go to confession.  I have the same sweaty palms, nausea, and panic I had when going to confession when I was a little girl.  I enter the confessional timidly.  This isn't the modern face-to-face confession where you get to look the priest in the eye while you tell him all the stupid things you've done lately. This is the old-school, kneel-behind-the-screen confession where you hear the swish of the divider being lifted and you can see a shadowy spectre of someone...is it Father Murray or is it....the Big Man?  In this case it is the Blog gods, and the conversation goes something like this:

SUGAR NERD:  Forgive me Blogosphere, for I have sinned.  It has been 8 months since my last post.

BLOG GODS:  Tell us your sins, child.

SUGAR NERD:  Well, I have neglected my Sugar Nerd readers - all 17 of them.  You see, I finally got a job and I have been very busy working and being tired from working.  And then, the video game Skyrim came out.  I had to keep leveling up so I could buy a house to store my Gauntlet of Major Axe Wielding, Circlet of Extreme Alchemy and Petty Soul Gems. You do get to cook in this game, so I felt like I was doing something culinary, even if it was boiling charred Skeever tail and Giant's toe.  I have also been trying to make a good vegan dessert, which seems impossible.  And I used the Lord's name in vain.  A lot.

BLOG GODS: You have gone astray.  We hereby absolve you from your sins.  For your penance, you must make that Nancy Silverton almond apple strudel you read about in the newspaper, and those Thomas Keller brownies you've been seeing all over Pinterest.  Also, you must get back to the blog!  Those 17 people vaguely miss you, and your Mother is mad she hasn't had anything to forward to her friends in a long time.   Also, stop cursing.  It is possible to make a delicious vegan dessert, you'll figure it out. Now go in peace to bake and serve the blog.  Amen.

I exit the confessional with that strangely cleansing and euphoric feeling one experiences after confession, which is probably similar to what someone feels when they beat death or find a designer dress in their size at a Barney's sale.  Before the dream ends, I recall wishing I was Jewish where there is no confession and you get to eat a lot of pastry.

Believe me, I have been very happy to have a job again.  I do miss those days, though, where I could spontaneously bake the day away, dancing around the kitchen in my useless but oh-so-cute vintage apron and nerding out over the sheen of a good dark chocolate or my new rose-cinnamon spice.   I haven't stopped baking, though, just dialed it back a bit.  Before I dive back into more regular Sugar Nerd posts, here are a few of the happy confections (some not as happy) that I busted out in the past several months:

HALLOWEEN EYEBALLS

I made these for a Halloween party at my friend, Kelli's house.  I had seen something similar in a magazine and wanted to see if I could replicate them.  I made cake balls, using one of those cake pop making machines - it looks like a little waffle maker and has little indented ball shapes that you put the batter into, shut the lid and - voila! -  4 minutes later you have a bunch of tasty little cake nuggets.  I coated them with white chocolate, added upside down M&M's with black food color pen dots for the pupils and then drew scary red veins on the eyes with a red food color marker.  I really liked the way they turned out.  They were a big hit at the party, but I never tried one.  I guess they scared me.  At least  I'm not hoarding any in my freezer. 

Scary Cake Eyeballs for Halloween

CUPCAKE DECORATING CLASS

A few girlfriends and I took a cupcake decorating class.  The class was held at a bakery in West Hollywood known for its...er, ahem...erotic cakes.  Our instructor was a young kid who looked and  smelled like he was still soaking in a boozy all-nighter, and he didn't instruct much.  He was mostly concerned with the volume of the house music on the stereo.  The one thing I did learn was how to make frosting roses, which is a tricky maneuver where you pipe frosting onto a large flat headed pin, twirling the pin as you arch your pastry bag while making quick little squirts.  Would a frosting rose by any other name taste as sweet?  Methinks not!  

Don't forget to eat the roses

THANKSGIVING DESSERTS

I was very excited about Thanksgiving.  Aaron and I usually went to a friends house where there is always a dazzling display of magazine-worthy food.  This year we were going to stay home and cook for Aaron's brothers Pete and Dylan, and Dylan's girlfriend, who happens to not eat meat, gluten or dairy (which could be a whole blog in itself).   I was really excited about my desserts, though.  All my life I had been a pumpkin pie hater, I am more of a fruit pie gal.  But I was in New York a few months ago and tasted a slice of pumpkin pie with a pecan brittle topping and I was completely won over.  I was going to make this pie for Thanksgiving and I was going to love eating it.  I also made a plain pumpkin pie, in case we had some dessert drop-bys and then I also wanted to make sure Dylan's gal had something yummy for dessert so I decided to make a dairy-free, gluten-free apple berry crisp.  I used Bob's Red Mill gluten-free flour and Earth Balance, which is a very good butter substitute.  I was very proud of it.  She didn't eat any, though.  I guess she was full from my gluten-free, dairy-free dinner.  The boys liked it, but it was hard to tell if they were just being kind.  I took a bite and thought it tasted like berry glue.  No wonder vegans are so skinny.

Plain Pumpkin Pie on the left, Pumpkin Pie with Pecan Brittle in the middle and the sorry-ass vegan dessert on the right.  

VEGAN CHOCOLATE ORANGE CAKE

I work out of my boss, Travis' house.  I definitely feel like I have become part of his family.  His wife is a personal trainer and wellness coach, so the food they eat is always super healthy.  Also, his kids are allergic to dairy and gluten.  They invited Aaron and me over for a holiday dinner and, of course, I wanted to bring dessert.  Normally I would try to bust out something really impressive that the kids would like.  Since it had to be dairy and gluten free, I was just hoping it would taste good.  After pouring through several vegan cookbooks, I found a recipe for a chocolate orange cake that sounded pretty swell.  I used a combination of coconut flour and gluten-free flour and Earth Balance instead of butter.  The cake was as heavy as a small child, but it smelled very chocolatey and orangey so my hopes were high.  Unfortunately it tasted like a chocolatey and orangey, um, vegan cake - crazy dense and without that yummy rich buttery taste that good cake should have.  Everyone was very polite.  I went home, threw it in the trash and scarfed a stale king size Butterfingers bar that I had been hoarding.  Back to the vegan drawing board.

Even the photo of this cake doesn't look appetizing.  Due to its incredible heft, it could be used to kill someone in a pinch, though.  So, there's that.  

BLACKBERRY BUTTERMILK CAKE

Aaron and I are not often invited over to friend's houses for dinner.  Sometimes I think it's because we cook so much that they feel weird about cooking for us, and sometimes I think it's because everyone is so busy they would just rather meet at a restaurant.  I understand this because when we have someone over for dinner, it's usually a 3 day affair between shopping and cooking.  Sometimes we both fantasize about someone else cooking - no trips to 3 different markets, no furtive cleaning an hour before guests arrive and, best of all, no staying up until the wee hours doing dishes (alas, we live in an old house and don't have a dishwasher).  It was so exciting when our friends Tom and Laura invited us over for dinner!  I still have to bring something, so I volunteered dessert.  I toyed with the idea of making cake pops since they have a young son, but then I was back to at least a 2 day commitment so I finally decided on something that was so simple, I was worried it would disappoint.  I made a blackberry buttermilk cake.  It had no fancy frosting, did not require any special tools and I was able to work out,  read my book, take a nap, and putter around the house and still get this cake made before having to leave the house.  But even in its minimalist glory, it was a hit.  Tom and Laura not only had seconds, but asked if they could keep extra cake for company they were having the next day.  I was more than happy to leave the rest of the cake with them...and the dinner dishes as well.

Blackberry Buttermilk Cake with vanilla bean ice cream

I do declare we are now officially caught up.  I have some other Sugar Nerd adventures to share with you that deserve their own posts, and will get those out to all 17 of you shortly.  I will also try to figure out this whole work/blog time management thing.  Lord help me, I will try.  

Penance done, I go back into the blogosphere with nary a sin against me.  Goddamn, that feels good.  Oops. Lord's name. In vain.  Might as well keep baking until I bring the wrath of all that is holy down upon me.  Hmmm, maybe locusts would taste really good covered in 70% cacao bittersweet single origin, fair trade chocolate.  I just hope the devil isn't vegan.