(Don't Fear) The Pie Crust

I have a confession to make.  I am afraid of pie crust.  There, I said it.  I have made french macaroons with buttercream filling, rose flavored gum drops tumbled in superfine pink sugar, and meticulously decorated lavender sugar cookies in the shapes of snowflakes that took 3 days...but I have not attempted the dreaded pie crust.  Not ever.  I've made plenty of pies over the years, but the Pillsbury Dough Boy always made the crust.  It's the same feeling I had when I was an English major in college - 4 years of classes, but somehow I avoided taking even one writing class. I was afraid I was a terrible writer.  It is the same with pie crust.  If I failed, how could I call myself a baker? At least I've never called myself a writer.  But baking without mastering the art of pie crust is like being a chef without being able to make an omelette - downright shameful.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to prove to myself I can link sentences.  And I will make a grand pie crust to prove to myself that I am a baker.

I remember realizing early on that I could request pies for my birthday instead of cake.  The thing about pie was that my Mom would get more than one and I liked that idea alot.  Plus, there are so many to choose from; fruit pies, cream pies, custard pies, nutty pies, chocolate pies.  But my favorite pie is peach.  Not fresh peach, which is just a bunch of uncooked peaches drizzled with some suspect jellied substance, but double-crust baked peach pie.  Just thinking about it makes me swoony.  Aaron and I had pie, not cake, at our wedding.  My lovely, unstoppable in-laws drove 25 lbs of peaches from Philadelphia to an island off the coast of Maine so that I could have peach pie at our wedding.  We also had apple, coconut cream, and fresh Maine blueberry pie made by the most talented bakers I had ever met.  It was pie heaven.

pies at my wedding - the bottom one is peach!

Pie seems to be the new cupcake.  This irks me some because many years ago I wanted to open a pie shop.  Of course my secret fear that I couldn't make pie crust was a problem.  My friend Bryan would encourage me and scout locations.  I even had the perfect name...Pie Hole.  Bryan and I would talk for hours about the shop. I would serve just pie and coffee.  No cappuccinos, no frothy faux mocha beverages, just pie and joe.  I had a logo and the whole concept mapped out, but fear, again, kept me at my desk job.  A while later, Bryan wrote the TV show Pushing Daisies about a guy who owns a pie shop called The Pie Hole.  At least, on some level, my pie shop existed.

In the recipe book my Mom made for me, which contains all our family recipes, she included a recipe for pie crust.  It came from a friend of hers whose pie crust she loved.  When I went to read over the recipe, there was an asterisk with a note that said, "I had to beg C for this - and she gave it to me when she moved.  When I made it - it wasn't as good.  Maybe she changed something.  C did not like to share her recipes."  Classic Mom.  I couldn't risk my first attempt at pie crust failing because of a recipe feud from 1979 so I thought I had better find a different recipe. The next place I looked was in The Pie And Pastry Bible by Rose Levy Beranbaum.  She writes that her pie crust recipe was tested over 50 times...much more promising than my Mom's endorsement.  This recipe called for cream cheese, however, and as delicious as it sounded, I wanted a simple recipe and cream cheese crust seems to be one you try after you perfected something more basic.  I turned to my trusty Cook's Illustrated.  They did have a recipe with a 2-page dissertation of how they came to this definitive and flaky model of pie crust perfection.  Their secret ingredient?  Vodka!  They claim the reason pie crust is so difficult to roll out is because the water evaporates and the dough is too dry.  Vodka provides moisture, but the alcohol prevents the liquid from drying out the dough.  Interesting.  They also claim it imparts absolutely no boozy flavor to the crust.  I was torn because I wanted the quintessential basic crust recipe, but the idea that this one was a sure thing was very enticing.  In the end, the Cook's Illustrated recipe won out - maybe because vodka was close at hand if things got ugly.

I was kind of sweaty assembling all the ingredients.  We were going to dinner at our friends Michael and Margie's house and I had volunteered to make an apple pie (peaches aren't in season) so that I had no excuses.  I took a little comfort in knowing there was a Marie Callender's on the way to their house, just in case. Flour - check!  Cold butter - check!  Vodka - check!  Everything went in the food processor....the consistency was good, now into the fridge to chill for an hour. What a long hour!  I paced.  I called my friend, Kirsten, who loves to talk.  I spoke to Aaron with an Oscar-worthy nonchalance...and then the timer rang.  Panic seized me as I casually took the ball of dough out of the fridge and set out my pastry board and rolling pin.  I called upon the spirit of Betty Crocker, I called upon the baby Jesus and I called upon four and twenty blackbirds....please let this roll out nice.  I sprinkled some flour over it and my rolling pin made contact.  It was cold, but pliable.  It was rolling out like the finest, gourmet Play-doh - no cracks and a beautifully smooth surface.  I did it.  And it was easy!  I felt what must have been pie crust rapture as I laid the crust into the pie plate.

Apples in, top crust on, steam vents cut - voila!  I had myself a real live homemade pie!  It is always a really satisfying feeling to put something into the oven to bake. Into my ancient pink oven my pie went.  My apple baby.  My flaky, buttery triumph.  It is a truly loving gesture to assemble ingredients and release them into the oven to become something better than the sum of their parts.  I am sure this is what it must feel like when parents send their kids to college. "Become a great pie," I whispered.  "I'm so proud of you.  Release your juices.  Don't forget to call.  And go easy on the vodka."

FOOLPROOF PIE DOUGH (from Cook's Illustrated Magazine)

- for one 9-inch double-crust pie -

2/3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

1 tsp salt

2 tbsp sugar

12 tbsp (1 1/2 sticks) cold, unsalted butter

1/4 cup cold vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces

1/4 cup vodka

1/4 cup cold water

1.  Process 1/1/2 cups flour, salt and sugar in food processor until combined, about two 1 second pulses. Add butter and shortening and process until dough just starts to collect in uneven clumps, about 15 seconds.  Scrape bowl with rubber spatula and redistribute dough evenly around processor blade.  Add remaining cup flour and pulse until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl and mass of dough has been broken up, 4 to 6 quick pulses.  Empty mixture into medium bowl.

2.  Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture.  With rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix, pressing down on dough until dough is slightly tacky and sticks together.  Divide dough into 2 even balls and flatten each into 4-inch disk.  Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.